How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
