I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
