A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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