I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
