just tell him i said nine months
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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