Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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