the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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