Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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