she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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