She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
