My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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