I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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