Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
