Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Bring me that man meat
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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