Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
