I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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