that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
