Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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