Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
