i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
