therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
