My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
