i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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