Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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