Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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