Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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