I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Found the puke drawer
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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