I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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