She's JV to your varsity
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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