I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize