I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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