I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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