I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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