She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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