glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
