Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
