since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
