I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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