brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
