Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The adults are the big ones right?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
