i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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