Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
where am i from again
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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