So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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