He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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