You really coming over, don't trick.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
