The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
