Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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