dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
