my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
