he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Pants are for mortals
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
