I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
