hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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